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( This is meant to be inoffensive. Just something light-hearted. My main site is very serious, this is not.)

Know a good religious joke that won't distress religious visitors ? I'd be happy to hear it : Email me

The Pope's secretary rushes in , uncharacteristicly flustered :
" Your Holiness; GOD IS ON THE PHONE "

Pope answers phone, sure enough , it is God
" This is so wonderful, I've never dreamt it would happen to me " says Pope.

God : " I have good news and bad news, which do you want first ? "
Pope : " Good news, please "

God : " I've decided to come to Earth and set up my Kingdom HERE and NOW "
"I'm going to unify all the Earth's peoples
Get rid of all these other religons and have just the one true Church
with My Son to rule over the entire land as the King

There will be no hunger, no pain, no war, just pure joy "

The Pope gets down on his knees and weeps tears of happiness
He then calms himself :

Pope : " That is GREAT NEWS , we have waited so long "

Pope : " How could there be ANY BAD news after that ? "

God : " I am calling from SALT LAKE CITY ! "

- anon

* If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

* If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

* It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others!

* Never buy a car you can't push.

* Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.

* Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

* Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.

* The second mouse gets the cheese.

* When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

* Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

* You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.

* Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

* We could learn a lot from crayons.
Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull.
Some have weird names, and all are different colors,
but they all have to live in the same box.

* A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

- Sheila/Ottawa

Remarkable safari experience ( video off site )


*Fresh air ventilation system**.*
*One-wheel drive**.*
*Economical 250 cc motor.*

Low capital, low maintenance.
*A bit tricky when cornering.*
*Easy entry and exit!*

No need licence.
No need road tax.
No need insurance
No need co-driver
No need safety belt
No need air-con
No need wipers
No need sun-block
No need air bags
No need to be afraid
Die only once


Do you know what Mahatma Ghandi and Mary Poppins have in common?

Ghandi walked every where he went, which produced enormous callouses on his feet.
He ate vey little, so he was a very fragile man.
Also, his strange diet 'caused him to suffer from bad breath.

So Ghandi could be described as a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by hallitosis.

- via beliefnet

After World War II, a former sharecropper named Hiram used the money he saved while in the US Army
along with his state and federal mustering-out bonuses to buy his own piece of land.

Since he had little money, the land he managed to purchase was the worst in the county.

However, Hiram worked and constantly improved the land until it was the best and most productive farm in the county.

Fifty years later we see Hiram sitting on a rocking chair on his porch on his neat white frame house at sunset time looking over his model farm
when Preacher Jones stops by to visit.

Preacher Jones is standing beside Hiram with his hand on Hiram's shoulder and says,
"Hiram, you and the good Lord have done a mighty fine job on this place,"

to which Hiram replies, "Yes sir, but you should have seen it when the good Lord had it by Himself."

- L.B. via HNN (2005)

A series of 5 and 10 second videos

Why God Never Received Tenure at any University :

He had only one major publication.
It was in Hebrew.
It had no references.
It wasn't published in a refereed journal.
Some even doubt he wrote it Himself.

His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
The scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.

He never applied to the Ethics Board for permission to use human subjects.
When one experiment went awry, he tried to cover it up by drowning the subjects.
When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from the sample.

He rarely came to class, just told students to read the Book.
Some say he had His Son teach the class.

He expelled his first two students for learning.
Although there were only ten requirements, most students failed his tests.
His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountaintop.

- anon

(1) A priest, minister and rabbi were walking by the forest, talking about who does their job the best.
The minister had an idea. "Let's go into the forest, find a bear, and convert him. Whosever bear is strongest in faith will win."

So they each set off into the woods. later, they met up.

The priest said " I found a bear next to the river trying to catch fish. I told him that if he trusted in God, anything's possible.
So I stepped in the river, prayed, and caught a fish. he was so amazed he let me baptize him instantly. "

The minister said "Well, my bear snuck up on me and tried to eat me. But I said a few lines from the Bible
and the bear became intrigued and asked to learn how to read. I taught him a few basics and he had the entire new testament memorised."

Then they both turned to the Rabbi. He was in a full body cast, an artificial heart and was in a wheelchair.
He said " Maybe I shouldn't have started with the circumcision "

- anon

A Western Buddhist woman was in India, studying with her teacher.
She was riding with another woman friend in a rickshaw-like carriage, when they were attacked by a man on the street.

In the end, the attacker only succeeded in frightening the women,
but the Buddhist woman was quite upset by the event and told her teacher so.

She asked him what she should have done - what would have been the appropriate, Buddhist response.

The teacher said very simply, "You should have very mindfully and with great compassion whacked the attacker over the head with your umbrella."

- anon

(2) A priest, a preacher and a rabbi walked into their favorite bar, where they would get together two or three times a week for drinks and to talk shop.

On this particular afternoon, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear.

One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.
Seven days later, they're all together to discuss the experience.

Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages, goes first.
"Well," he says, "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the Catechism.
Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around.
So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle a lamb.
The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation."

Reverend Billy Bob spoke next.
He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip.
In his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, " WELL brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle!
I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD!
But that bear wanted nothing to do with me.
So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek.
So I quick DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul.
And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus."

They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed.
He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him. He was in bad shape.

The rabbi looks up and says, "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start."

- anon

An enthusiastic young Methodist minister was posted to a small town where there was both a Catholic church and a Jewish synogogue.
The Catholic priest and the Jewish rabbi welcomed the young minister warmly and offered any assistance he might need in his new charge.
Then they invited him to go fishing with them.

As they were sitting in the boat about fifty yards from shore, the priest said he was thirsty. But they had left the cooler on the dock.
The Rabbi said, "I'll get it." With that he stepped out of the left side of the boat, walked to the dock, and returned with the cooler.

Later the rabbi hooked a large trout, but the net had been left on the dock also. So the priest stepped out of the left side of the boat, walked to the dock, and returned with the net.

By this time the young minister was a little red in the face.
Then the old priest said that he had left his knife on the dock and he couldn't get the hook out of the fish's mouth.
The young minister stood up and said, "I'll get it!" With that, he stepped out the right side of the boat an prompted sank to his eyebrows.

The rabbi turned to the priest and said, "Well Father, if we're gonna' help this boy, we should start by showing him where the steppin' stones are."

- anon

Q: Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain during root canal work ?

A: He wanted to transcend dental medication!

- anon

Dear Abby :

" Lev. 20:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight.
I have to admit that I wear reading glasses.
Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here ? "

" Lev. 25:44 states that I may buy slaves from the nations that are around us.
A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians.
Can you clarify, please ? "

Remarkable Chicken wire mesh sculptures

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